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a thin line between love and hate

Ew.
Let's just get that out there ok?
If you happen to take the risk and peruse my older LJ entries you are doing so at your own risk.
I take no responsibility in the eye-rolling marathon that will most likely ensue.
And yes, as you can see, I still prefer the dialogue format for my posts.
Obviously because I like talking to myself, duhhhh. L7 weenie here!

So yeaaaah. I'm so glad that this idea popped into my head.
I was sitting there idly scrolling through my Facebook app for like the 3rd time already this morning and was like "what in the actual fuck am I doing??".
Why do I sit here and scroll,then close, then open and scroll 5 minutes later for NOTHING?
Nobody posts about their lives anymore and if they do it's some politically correct fake shit to keep up social media appearances.
It's EXHAUSTING.
When i'm on LJ I feel like the people who follow are the people who WANT to know how i'm doing.
It's not a thing out of passing boredom or a random click for prying eyes.
It's real people, talking about their everyday real shit and I miss it.
I don't even know if anyone will keep up with this after a week but it's worth a try!
I also miss the eloquence of dictating my full thoughts.
I used to be soo in love with the written word but then adulthood happened and I lost the joy it used to bring me.
Hopefully, this will serve as an exercise to at least get me back into the writing habit.
I have to get my ass to work now but i'll be back later.
Definitely need to re-code this whole journal because I hate their L2 update presets.
This is gonna be interesting!

perfection

hi sad, miserable LJ haley! it's been 4+ years since your last post and life has done a 360 :) I am happily married to my soulmate and have a beautiful 7mo baby girl. LIFE IS GOOD!

i give up

when i die fuck it i wanna go to hell

May. 2nd, 2010

how do i feel? ive been here before...ive felt this

i needed somewhere to sort thru all my thoughts without the death of my social networks and then i remembered YOU my BABY my LJ...where almost no one can locate me and therefor are unable to shuffle through the depths of my soul at leisure!

but back to why im really here rambling...
im confused about ryan once again...i know i know i shouldnt even have that lame ass nigga in my thoughts but...hes ALWAYS on my thoughts whether im reminiscing...or hating him...or thinking of a way NOT to think of him,but he's always there.i stayed away from him for a whole year and i thought it would have made me stronger but i had one weak moment for sex and now im back in this hold that i dont understand. how can you feel this way about someone you hate as much as you used to love? how come i still want to be there for him when he's at his lowest? he wants me back...and quite frankly i wish i could just say yes and start right where we left off.but if we did wed be starting with alot of things unfinished still. i sit here and think and almost know that we will never work.but to judge something before you give it a chance isnt fair...but hes gotten so many chances i dont think it applies to him.my entire family hates him....my friends would laugh at me or disown me if he came back into my life. i would look like such a loser ass little girl with no common sense if i took him back.IF.i hate being confused.i hate that i confuse myself more than anyone else does.lierally...the only way to get over him is for him to die or move far far away and i dont think the first is an acceptable thing to hope for and the 2nd well...i doubt it will happen anytime soon.ugh.i am so whack.if only a real man could come and show me what im supposed to receiving it would all be so much easier.but he made me so fukd up i dont wish that on anyone.rambles rambles rambles i will never have a decisive answer on this bullshit and i hate it. -___- its all so damn tiring i just want to give up and go live on an island forever alone in silence

chaotic neutral

And I endeavour to subdue circumstances to myself, and not myself to circumstances.

Each betrayal begins with trust.

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running. ~Author unknown, in reference to Ecclesiastes 9:11, "I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."


Saints are sinners who kept on going.

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.

We are far more liable to catch the vices than the virtues of our associates.

Arguing with a fool proves there are two.

g3y

i have nothing to do for new years yet =\
I MISSSS MY CAR

ba-hum-bug

hehehe nahhhh!
just wanted to update this...i always seem to read my friends page and then get distracted to other sites and forget to post as usual
but NOT TONIGHT! wooooo!
i think my thought process has split-personalities seriously...
sometimes im like goody good thinking on the right track and feeling positive about situations
and other days im just like FTW and everyone in it why do I have to be the good one all the time?
i guess its just...PEOPLE
around me, on my mind, trying not to have on my mind...
this ryan things is sooo beyond over and yet every now and then the idiot just pops into my mindframe
i will never comprehend how you can love someone yet hate them with such a passion?
like...i think of him i want to see him but the second i hear his voice i want to reach through the phone and have a beatdown session!
yezzzz...i know my brain is a little off point i dont pretend otherwise =P
im just...so sick of guys lately i think im gonna give them up for a while
i give someone new a chance they seem to think they're gonna get easy pussy
i chill with my homeboys...they think they have a better chance which is just funny!
its all just sillyness that i dont have time for
i remember after jesse i was just like "i give up...if someone wants me they can come find me im not looking anymore"
and THEN...ugh i met ryan which was just 4 years of disasterous bullshit
lost most my friends...family basically hated me for multiple reasons...i changed wayyyy too much
and not in the good way
i dunno right now i just want to start from square one...get myself a good job again, start school in 2009(yay!), find myself a new place to stay...all that good stuff
stressing over men,boyz,whatever will not get me any of these goals...so im just gonna place love on the backburner for the time being
also...i wish i had more homegirls to chill with
i like dancing and clubbing and going to shows and shit but i just have no one left to do it... =[
either my friends all have b/f's who make their world revolve orrrr...no car so we're in the same boat
blahhhh...well this wasnt a very enlightening post but it was a glance into the hectic life of haze ;]
enjoy

HEY BiTCH

im bakkkkk!
YAYYYY
i totally thought livejournal had deleted all my entries
and gave up on life itself cuz that was sooo many memories i had in here going back like 4 years ago i believe...
well today i noticed they had upgraded everything to the S2...
so i figured hmm...maybe my BG i had made wasnt compatible with the upgrades to LJ?
so i picked one of their themes and alllll my entries are bak!
you have no idea how happy i am right now...i feel as though my heart is swelling with joy


...and on another note =D
i get the ket to my apartment today!
no more sleeping from house to house
scavenging my homegirls to take showers
havign NO fukin food to eat cuz im saving $$$
welllll FUK THAT
now i can go set up my lil personal space with ryan
and we can live happily ever after hustling and fuking all day long =P

im gonna update more tomorrow
i just hadddd to do a lil something here now to celebrate!
you'll be seeing more or me again my lovely LJ <333
even if no one i know even uses theirs nemore!!

LOST

I AM LOST!
COME FiND ME!
iT iS FUN!! SO DOOOO iT!
JUST PLACE THAT LINK ON YOUR BROWSER AND BEGIN :)



www.lost.eu/62f00


let me know if you get lost too

MYSPACE ANYONE?

MY FRIEND IS TRYING TO WIN AN ARTICLE IN A MAGAZINE CALLED 'THE SOURCE' MAGAZINE SO HE CAN MAKE HIS NAME AS A RAPPER...PROBLEM IS THE PEOPLE HE'S UP AGAINST IN THE VOTING FORUM HAVE PEOPLE SPAMMING VOTES JUST SO THEY CAN WIN...AND THEY ARE REALLLLLLY WHACK,IT'S FUNNY THAT THEY MIGHT WIN IT.I'M ASKING YOU TO GO AND SIGN UP AND VOTE FOR HIM IT SERIOUSLY ONLY TAKES 5-10 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME...AND THAT LITTLE AMOUNT MIGHT CHANGE THE REST OF HIS LIFE!!! SO ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO IS IF YOU HAVE TIME...GO VOTE FOR HIM?...HERE ARE THE DIRECTIONS.

GO HERE
http://www.thesource.com/forum/


GO TO REGISTER AND DO ALL THAT GOOD STUFF...CHECK YOUR E-MAIL FOR THE CONFIRMATION AND THEN GO BACK AND LOG IN

CLICK ON THE 'UNSIGNED HYPE' FORUM...or TO MAKE IT EASIER PASTE THIS IN
http://www.thesource.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=4

IT'S THE FIRST TOPIC ...ROUND 10 WINNER TAKES ALL...HIS NAME IS DONNY GOINES
YOU CAN WATCH ALL THE FREESTLE VIDEOS IF YOU REALLY WANT TO MAKE A DECISION...OR JUST VOTE FOR HIM <3 :)


OH YEAAA....DID I MENTION THAT IF YOU VOTE FOR HIM AND LEAVE A COMMENT...EVEN JUST ONE WORD...YOU WILL BE ENTERED TO WIN AN iPOD AND $500??? BUT IT'S ONLY IF YOU VOTE AND LEAVE A MSG FOR HIM...HE's RUNNING THE CONTEST TO TRY AND GET VOTES...WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE BUT 5 MINUTES OF YOUR PRECIOUS WEB-SURFING TIME??

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP A STRANGER OUT IN THIS WORLD KARMA IS REAL AND MAYBE A LITTLE GOOD WILL SHINE YOUR WAY TOO FOR HELPING SOMEONE OUT WHEN THEY NEED IT MOST :)

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME GUYS...sorry i know this isnt promo for a group but i had to get creative!!!!

heres' his myspace too...
http://www.myspace.com/donnygoines

PEACE AND CHICKEN GREASE!

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rageisbliss
vulgar display of power

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